ariesmeme:

john mulaney’s new in town sentence meme

• ‘ every day i think i’m becoming more like my dad. ’
  
• ‘ i think i’m becoming more like my mom. ’
  
• ‘ ugh, this oughta be good! ’
  
• ‘ i have been here all night. you can feel the tv, it’s warm! ’
  
• ‘ how do you get lost in new york? the streets are numbered! ’
• ‘ it’s wrong to make fun of people, you know, but it’s so fun sometimes. ’
• ‘ it was really easy to get away with murder before they knew about dna. ’
  
• ‘ we found a pool of the killers blood in that hallway. ’
  
• ‘ now then, back to my hunch. ’
  
• ‘ we’ll draw chalk around where the body is. that way, we’ll know where it was. ’
• ‘ that’s very reassuring. ’
  
• ‘ i don’t like robots… thinking of things. ’
  
• ‘ aw, we didn’t do anything all day! ’
  
• ‘ i, um… i did nothing. i did nothing at all. ’
  
• ‘ i don’t wanna go to work! ’
• ‘ the less amount of time you live, the better… ’
• ‘ beat it, bozo! ’
  
• ‘ i’m trying to stop smoking. ’
  
• ‘ i stole two cigarettes and hid them under my bed with a copy of cosmopolitan magazine. ’
  
• ‘ hey, i found your treasure! ’
  
• ‘ how do you know how to make a cosmopolitan? ’
  
• ‘ should we share some fries? ’
• ‘ i’m probably gay. ’
• ‘ you want me to do what? ’
• ‘ i don’t know shit about women. ’
  
• ‘ you ordered your food an hour ago. it should be here by now. ’
  
• ‘ life is a fucking nightmare. ’
  
• ‘ i’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day i’ll die. ’
  
• ‘ what’s wrong? ’
  
• ‘ you wouldn’t even understand if i told you. ’
  
• ‘ i don’t drink. ’
  
• ‘ i’m really sorry about last night, i was just so drunk. ’
  
• ‘ okay, let’s go over there and destroy the place. ’
• ‘ scatter! ’
  
• ‘ things got really out of hand. someone broke the pool table. ’
  
• ‘ did i do that? ’
  
• ‘ why do you do this? ’
  
• ‘ it’s the one thing you can’t replace. ’
  
• ‘ i’m new in town. ’
  
• ‘ sometimes i get nervous on airplanes. ’
• ‘ no, that’s okay, i was lying. ’